Worked Out

I think a better title for this post might be "Back to Training with The Bitch", but that wouldn't be nice. And it wasn't as hard today as it has been in the past.

I did my "Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred" video. It's only a 20 minute video, so I'll do some cardio later. Still, that woman really works your body. Makes you want to cry. Definitely makes me sweat. I'm starting to like that. Last time I did the video, I didn't sweat at all. Either I needed to step it up to level 2 or working harder on level 1. I think I needed level 2, but I was honestly afraid of moving to the next level.

I think I'm afraid of making any progress. In fact, thinking about it right now, terrifies me. I'm afraid of what will be expected of me. Right now, I can barely keep up with my day, what will it be like if I lose the weight? I'm just not sure what I can handle right now. I know that as I lose the weight I can handle more, but it just really scares me.

Exercising brings back so many painful memories and events. Interestingly enough, swimming doesn't do it to me. Just when I work out hard. Clearly, I need to work out more and deal with all that pain. If I can rid myself of it once and for all, then maybe I can start to live.

Oh Tormentors of My Soul

In case you missed it yesterday, I have a love/hate relationship with Peanut Butter M & M's.


I love them dearly. The sweet chocolate, the hard candy shell, the salty peanut butter. Heaven. I hate that they call out to me at 2 am and beg to come eat just a few. Okay, I'm not that bad yet. But they are a weakness for me. I know I shouldn't eat them, not if I want to actually lose some of the weight that I so desperately need to lose. Tragically, I also have a weird quirk I have to eat stuff like this in pairs. Crackers, cookies, M & M's, it doesn't matter what it is, I have to eat it in pairs. Or else, (are you ready for this?) my mouth feels uneven. And I'll wander around for hours feeling like that until I finally give in and go even it out. Even if I've already had 73 cookies, I have to go have one more just to even it out. Then I feel slightly off balance cause it's been so long since I had the 73rd one and have to have another. It's a sickness. Miss Goofy says I really need help. She may be right, I've listened to Get Drunk and Be Somebody 14 times today and I'm thinking I can't listen to it 15 times, then my ears might feel uneven.

Send help. Please. Send them soon. Miss Goofy begs you.

Introspective

So, I'm feeling a little introspective today. Okay, I'm not really. I feel good. I feel silly. I feel like, I feel like, like maybe I should stay out of the peanut butter M & M's. Wow, that's a lot of good sugar there. And so totally not something I should eat for fun. So, I think I should post before pictures and then pictures for every 20 pounds that I lose. God help me, I used to like this outfit.



Okay, so here are the pictures for July 22, 2008. I am so not posting my weight. Let's just say a lot. Well, I guess I need to kick this off now. Hopefully I'll have more pictures for Labor Day.

ETA: After seeing these pictures posted, I'm sure of one thing, I must stay out of the Peanut Butter M & M's not matter how yummy they are.

Clean Pool!!!!

I now know why our pool had been closed. It is kind of annoying but our managers closed it so they didn't have to do on any work on it since they were leaving. We have new managers. They are so nice. And the best part is they are working hard. I know because I've seen them working. And that includes cleaning the pool. It's so wonderful because the water was warm and clean. I love our new managers. They are so nice. I know I said that already but they are.

And I've set up a new challenge for myself. 1000 minutes of exercise between now and Labor Day. That's around 7 and a half weeks. So far, I'm up to 45 minutes. Go me. Actually it's not too bad, that's 135 minutes a week for 7 weeks. Plus an extra 55 minutes that I will get to this week. So, if I swim 3 times a week for the next 7 and a half weeks, I should not only meet my goal but exceed it.

Music Man suggested to me that the reason I am struggling to lose weight is kind of simple. I was doing really well before and losing weight and exercising everyday. The weight was melting off me. He thinks I wound up feeling ashamed that I hadn't done it sooner. It was an interesting thought. I'm not saying he's wrong. I'm not saying he's right. I think I need to think about it for a while before I know if he's correct or not. I suspect he may be right.