Worked Out

I think a better title for this post might be "Back to Training with The Bitch", but that wouldn't be nice. And it wasn't as hard today as it has been in the past.

I did my "Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred" video. It's only a 20 minute video, so I'll do some cardio later. Still, that woman really works your body. Makes you want to cry. Definitely makes me sweat. I'm starting to like that. Last time I did the video, I didn't sweat at all. Either I needed to step it up to level 2 or working harder on level 1. I think I needed level 2, but I was honestly afraid of moving to the next level.

I think I'm afraid of making any progress. In fact, thinking about it right now, terrifies me. I'm afraid of what will be expected of me. Right now, I can barely keep up with my day, what will it be like if I lose the weight? I'm just not sure what I can handle right now. I know that as I lose the weight I can handle more, but it just really scares me.

Exercising brings back so many painful memories and events. Interestingly enough, swimming doesn't do it to me. Just when I work out hard. Clearly, I need to work out more and deal with all that pain. If I can rid myself of it once and for all, then maybe I can start to live.